I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
