Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
