my sisters under your porch take her home
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
