That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
