You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
