I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
