ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
