Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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