Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
