The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
