What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
