...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
