I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
