I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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