you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
