There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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