just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
