I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
did i just pee glitter
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
