I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
