i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
