My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
