So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
