He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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