He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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