I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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