I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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