the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
