Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
