When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
