Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
