Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
