At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
