i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
