wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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