There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
