flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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