The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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