my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
