I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
