He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
