I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
pray to the hookup gods
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
