Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
