i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
