I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
