watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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