What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
