There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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