Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're like the curious george of whores
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
