I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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