paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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