hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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