...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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